Decisions, decisions, decisions...
I had put a lot of weight on my acceptance/rejection from school this year as far as planning anything for the fall went.
Everything has been up in the air.
And then I caught up with some rad "friemily" from California (friends + family = friemily) who proposed i intern their church for 6 months.
Whoa. Wrench in the wheel.
My world stopped.
I have NOTHING holding me back. This could be my life for the next 8 months!
After talking it over with God some, discussing it with friends, and weighing pros and cons, I am somewhat excited about the opportunity. Maybe, just maybe THIS is where I need to go/what I need to do this fall.
I am in the early stages of constructing a city-wide young adults retreat though (with others) and am hoping to get October secured for that... It would be pretty awesome... For which we could get my friemily from Cali to speak at??? Potentially.
We need to secure it and hash out the details financially first - and then so on...
And then i got my letter in the mail. NO GO for school. Whoa. Crazy. Perhaps California is where I need to be. All my close friends say "yes"... Jesus and I are still talking.
These 6 months, altho daunting, could be another amazing six months in my life, just like the 6 i wouldn't trade for any money in the world, the 6 months I spent in Germany at Bodenseehof.
As for now...
Creationfest is in 3 weeks. I'm SO unbelievably excited. I can't wait to jump around to amazing worship bands like Casting Crowns, mosh to Skillet, fall to my knees in worship during David Crowder, hand-slam with the boys to LeCrae...
I'm camping with my friends from Teen Challenge. Heart them. I can't wait to celebrate the fact that I met them there 1 year ago. Wow. 1 year. they'll be getting a good kiss on the cheek from me!!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
I never thought...
I never thought....
... I would find psychometric testing so interesting
... I would meet my best friends at a music festival in a different country
... I would be living at home when i'm 30.
... I would be hit on by attractive doctors and be so turned off
... I would want to jump out of an airplane at 12,000 feet
... I would want to love on my friends so deeply
... I would be so inspired and influenced by a couple of former drug addicts, longing to spend so much more time with them
... I would feel so blessed and loved
... I would wish I could relive a particular 6 months in Germany again just to embrace certain moments more memorably, after not wanting to have been there in the first place
... I would know such amazing people
... I would have such a strong passion for particular things
... I would be so addicted to my Blackberry
... I would be reprimanded via text message for not saying hi or hello in person
... I would care so much about coffee conversations
... I would buy so many clothes
... I would find intelligence and leadership so attractive in men
... I would be so involved in many things relating to justice
... wierd people could have the best things to say.
----
Jesus does amazing things in a willing heart. Does He have access to yours?
... I would find psychometric testing so interesting
... I would meet my best friends at a music festival in a different country
... I would be living at home when i'm 30.
... I would be hit on by attractive doctors and be so turned off
... I would want to jump out of an airplane at 12,000 feet
... I would want to love on my friends so deeply
... I would be so inspired and influenced by a couple of former drug addicts, longing to spend so much more time with them
... I would feel so blessed and loved
... I would wish I could relive a particular 6 months in Germany again just to embrace certain moments more memorably, after not wanting to have been there in the first place
... I would know such amazing people
... I would have such a strong passion for particular things
... I would be so addicted to my Blackberry
... I would be reprimanded via text message for not saying hi or hello in person
... I would care so much about coffee conversations
... I would buy so many clothes
... I would find intelligence and leadership so attractive in men
... I would be so involved in many things relating to justice
... wierd people could have the best things to say.
----
Jesus does amazing things in a willing heart. Does He have access to yours?
Monday, June 15, 2009
Friendship
I'm reading this book that was recommended to me by a sweet girl I know. The book is "Cold Tangerines" by Shauna Niequist.
I came across these paragraphs in a chapter called "Swimming" and i just want to share them, they're that good... [you can actually listen to the whole chapter on her website]
...
"That's what friendship looks like to me. Friendship is acting out God's love for people in tangible ways. We were made to represent the love of God in each other's lives, so that each person we walk through life with has a more profound sense of God's love for them. Friendship is an opportunity to act on God's behalf in the lives of the people that we're close to, reminding each other who God is. When we do the hard, intimate work of friendship, we bring a little more of the divine into daily life. We get to remind one another about the bigger, more beautiful picture that we can't always see from where we are. ...
True friendship is a sacred, important thing, and it happens when we drop own into that deeper level of who we are, when we cross over into the broken, fragile parts of ourselves. We have to give something up in order to get friendship like that . We have to give up our need to be perceived as perfect. We have to give up our ability to control what people think of us. We have to overcome the fear that when they see the depths of who we are, they'll leave. But what we give up is nothing in comparison to what this kind of friendship gives to us. Friendship is about risk. Love is about risk. If we can control it and manage it, and manufacture it, then it's something else, but if it's really love, really friendship, it's a little scary around the edges."
Good, yes?
I sure thought so....
I came across these paragraphs in a chapter called "Swimming" and i just want to share them, they're that good... [you can actually listen to the whole chapter on her website]
...
"That's what friendship looks like to me. Friendship is acting out God's love for people in tangible ways. We were made to represent the love of God in each other's lives, so that each person we walk through life with has a more profound sense of God's love for them. Friendship is an opportunity to act on God's behalf in the lives of the people that we're close to, reminding each other who God is. When we do the hard, intimate work of friendship, we bring a little more of the divine into daily life. We get to remind one another about the bigger, more beautiful picture that we can't always see from where we are. ...
True friendship is a sacred, important thing, and it happens when we drop own into that deeper level of who we are, when we cross over into the broken, fragile parts of ourselves. We have to give something up in order to get friendship like that . We have to give up our need to be perceived as perfect. We have to give up our ability to control what people think of us. We have to overcome the fear that when they see the depths of who we are, they'll leave. But what we give up is nothing in comparison to what this kind of friendship gives to us. Friendship is about risk. Love is about risk. If we can control it and manage it, and manufacture it, then it's something else, but if it's really love, really friendship, it's a little scary around the edges."
Good, yes?
I sure thought so....
Outside in the Summer...
I like to be outside in the summertime. It's beautiful!
This weekend was full out outdoor activities: minigolf (x2), beach volleyball, bbq's, swimming in the lake, water fights..
Outside holds the adventures. Outside holds the potential for friendships. Outside holds the potential for hurts and insecurities.... but it holds so many tangible things.
You can't smell the rain when you're inside. You can't feel the soft new needles on the pine trees, or the texture of living flower petals when you're not outside (unless it's a bouquet of flowers, and we know that those flowers are already dead..). You can't feel the wind.
I forgot how much i love the beach until I went there yesterday. The mixture of smells: suntan lotion, wind off the water, picnic lunches, grass, perfumes and colognes, the trees... It's all so lovely. Everyone seems happy at the beach. Soaking up the sun, swimming in the water - the excitement that summer is HERE!!!
Welcome summer... welcome. Come hang out for a while.
This weekend was full out outdoor activities: minigolf (x2), beach volleyball, bbq's, swimming in the lake, water fights..
Outside holds the adventures. Outside holds the potential for friendships. Outside holds the potential for hurts and insecurities.... but it holds so many tangible things.
You can't smell the rain when you're inside. You can't feel the soft new needles on the pine trees, or the texture of living flower petals when you're not outside (unless it's a bouquet of flowers, and we know that those flowers are already dead..). You can't feel the wind.
I forgot how much i love the beach until I went there yesterday. The mixture of smells: suntan lotion, wind off the water, picnic lunches, grass, perfumes and colognes, the trees... It's all so lovely. Everyone seems happy at the beach. Soaking up the sun, swimming in the water - the excitement that summer is HERE!!!
Welcome summer... welcome. Come hang out for a while.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Week 2
No. I will not continue every week of being 30 with an blog denoting such... But this week feels like it sooooo closely follows the premise of Week 1 that I had to title it as Week 2.
I still don't feel 30 - and i don't think i will EVER feel the age I am progressing to each year. I'm stuck at 26. For now. I have a friend who's 24. He told me that HE feels 30, so we decided to change ages. Is that permissible?... Shoot.
I got a message on my FB from one of my most beloved friends. She's pretty much one of my besties (I think i have 3, or 4?) and it REALLY sucks that she lives in Phoenix AZ. I can attest though that perhaps it's a good thing she's that far away, because i fear that if she spends TOO much time with me I'd drive her nuts and further away.. I'd hope not. But she's one of those friends that you want to spend MORE time with, glean off of, hang onto, and hear every word from . Anyways. I had been firing off email after email of certain updates that have been occuring in my life - mostly concerning a certain *crush* (ridiculous, I know, but we do that don't we...) and everything else that has been occuring. She's a prayer warrior, she's studying for the Arizona Bar Exam (2 months away from being a lawyer!) and unbeknownst to me has not been attending to her email account for the reasons of study. We would send a text everyone once in a while... we would fb every once in a while... but i haven't talked to her in..... MONTHS (way too long). Her message alluded to me being on her heart more than normal and the urgency for her to pray for me -- she wanted to know what was up. ..
THAT NIGHT.... i should have had heartbreak. But rather than heartbreak, I had a heart opening. Rather than feeling my stomach and heart collide, swap places and shake my world I live in, I felt my heart grown with adoration and affection. After being told by my *crush* that he's going on a date with this girl he has been interested in for a LONG time and finally had the balls to ask out, I stood there and cared about him, I stood there and rejoiced with him.
That has NEVER happened before. (I have pretended to, but never genuinely done so). I conversed with him trying to understand HOW my heart could possibly be increasing in phileo for him despite my personal feelings - AND tried to keep my head in the conversation. .... It was a marvel.
The next day, after FINALLY chatting with my AZ friend for nearly 3 hours I realized the power of prayer - the power of pursuing God's prompting in praying for someone when He puts them on your heart. I realized that my friend's prayers were in preparation for what that night held... (not that it was a MAJOR traumatic event potential, but ... big enough for my books in terms of killing my joy for a few days). Her prayers were offered to God in sweet inscense and showered around my heart as a protection from pain. God gave me wisdom, He gave me compassion, love, joy, peace.... all things good. My feelings for *crush* have maintained themselves and our friendship has increased in quality. I know that if the crush feelings fade, I will ALWAYS have a good solid friendship with this guy.... and that's a killer blessing.
THIS is what true friendship is.
It is about praying for people, not just thinking about them. It is about standing next to them when they're fighting something wicked.... It is about full on loving them when they need it the most.
I got a birthday present from another bestie (one who lives in Omaha NE - darn friends live so far away. I guess that's what happens when you meet them in Germany). It is a book on friendship - different quotes. On the second last page is a quote that so fittingly depicts my heart for these 2 particular friendships --- or many friendships in my life. It fit so well with the last 2 weeks, with the revelations God's been giving me, and how I really feel deep down.
"The very best friends have the kind of relationship where each thinks she's getting the better part of the deal."
I do hope and pray you have a friend (or friends) like this in your life. They really are God's gift.
I still don't feel 30 - and i don't think i will EVER feel the age I am progressing to each year. I'm stuck at 26. For now. I have a friend who's 24. He told me that HE feels 30, so we decided to change ages. Is that permissible?... Shoot.
I got a message on my FB from one of my most beloved friends. She's pretty much one of my besties (I think i have 3, or 4?) and it REALLY sucks that she lives in Phoenix AZ. I can attest though that perhaps it's a good thing she's that far away, because i fear that if she spends TOO much time with me I'd drive her nuts and further away.. I'd hope not. But she's one of those friends that you want to spend MORE time with, glean off of, hang onto, and hear every word from . Anyways. I had been firing off email after email of certain updates that have been occuring in my life - mostly concerning a certain *crush* (ridiculous, I know, but we do that don't we...) and everything else that has been occuring. She's a prayer warrior, she's studying for the Arizona Bar Exam (2 months away from being a lawyer!) and unbeknownst to me has not been attending to her email account for the reasons of study. We would send a text everyone once in a while... we would fb every once in a while... but i haven't talked to her in..... MONTHS (way too long). Her message alluded to me being on her heart more than normal and the urgency for her to pray for me -- she wanted to know what was up. ..
THAT NIGHT.... i should have had heartbreak. But rather than heartbreak, I had a heart opening. Rather than feeling my stomach and heart collide, swap places and shake my world I live in, I felt my heart grown with adoration and affection. After being told by my *crush* that he's going on a date with this girl he has been interested in for a LONG time and finally had the balls to ask out, I stood there and cared about him, I stood there and rejoiced with him.
That has NEVER happened before. (I have pretended to, but never genuinely done so). I conversed with him trying to understand HOW my heart could possibly be increasing in phileo for him despite my personal feelings - AND tried to keep my head in the conversation. .... It was a marvel.
The next day, after FINALLY chatting with my AZ friend for nearly 3 hours I realized the power of prayer - the power of pursuing God's prompting in praying for someone when He puts them on your heart. I realized that my friend's prayers were in preparation for what that night held... (not that it was a MAJOR traumatic event potential, but ... big enough for my books in terms of killing my joy for a few days). Her prayers were offered to God in sweet inscense and showered around my heart as a protection from pain. God gave me wisdom, He gave me compassion, love, joy, peace.... all things good. My feelings for *crush* have maintained themselves and our friendship has increased in quality. I know that if the crush feelings fade, I will ALWAYS have a good solid friendship with this guy.... and that's a killer blessing.
THIS is what true friendship is.
It is about praying for people, not just thinking about them. It is about standing next to them when they're fighting something wicked.... It is about full on loving them when they need it the most.
I got a birthday present from another bestie (one who lives in Omaha NE - darn friends live so far away. I guess that's what happens when you meet them in Germany). It is a book on friendship - different quotes. On the second last page is a quote that so fittingly depicts my heart for these 2 particular friendships --- or many friendships in my life. It fit so well with the last 2 weeks, with the revelations God's been giving me, and how I really feel deep down.
"The very best friends have the kind of relationship where each thinks she's getting the better part of the deal."
I do hope and pray you have a friend (or friends) like this in your life. They really are God's gift.
Friday, June 05, 2009
I "heart" my friends...
I have officially lived through one week of being 30. Whoa. That still sounds wierd. My mind is stuck at 25 or 26. Literally. These past 4-5 years didn't really mature me, uh, I think. Oh wait, they totally did. Kinda.
I had a WONDERFUL birthday week.
I trained with a pseudo-mom for 2 days. She commanded me to take stock of what I have, of who I am, of what I have been blessed with, what I've done so far, and to make a list of what I'm thankful for.
On the eve of my 30th I did that. I also knew i would be seeing some of my favorite people on my birthday so I felt thus compelled to let them know how thankful i was for them in my life.
My birthday day comes -- and i embrace the morning.... I open gifts alone, get myself together, and go to chapel at Teen Challenge. No one who was there knew it was my birthday altho i was told I looked really pretty that morning. The ones who DID know the importance of the 'prettiness' were noticably absent. .. .. One was called out to do a job of some sort, and the other took himself to ER. The whole ER thing caused my stomach to drop, literally.
What?
Should I go? Or carry on with my intention to go camera shopping? Pffffftt. The idea stopped there. Hello, seriously. Is there even something to consider? It is at this point that one realizes how much someone means to them..... If it were any other guy from TC in emerg, i probably would not have gone.
I raced to emerg, went in the back way my heart just a pounding. See.. this good friend of mine had just returned from 3 weeks in Africa -- and 6 weeks before that he had just gotten back from 3 weeks in the Philippines. I envisioned him sunken and sallow in a hospital bed crowded with nurses and IV's, being medicated to save his life from some horrid parasite that was literally eating him to death.
He wasn't where I thought he would be so i walked into the nurses station and looked at the boards that show where all the current patients are. (oh the perks of having worked there 4 years and having the staff know you). His name was on the board, he was probably just with someone... I go back. This time I find him sitting in a seat, slouched down, flipping thru a book he brought with him. I walk past a few patients towards him. He looks up and just stares at me. I think he was computing the whole concept of what the heck was I, someone he knows, doing there, when he felt like death.
It was my birthday. He knew it. And I spent an hour and a half sitting in ER with this amazing friend of mine. I got to know him more. I made him laugh, smile, joke and tell me that it wasn't wierd that I was there. I think he enjoyed my company. He found the fact that the doctor waved at me and the nurses chatted with me amusing. One nurse asked him if security should be called for the fact that I was harassing him (harassing was what I told them i was doing there, them knowing full well that i wasn't a patient).
Turned out, he was fine. Probably a parasite but one that will pass with time. Better he know and be relieved than to stress about it and enduce more panic... I walked him out to where he parked and gave him the "thank-you" card. He looked at me and said "it's YOUR birthday and you have a card for ME". I told him what i was doing -- why i was doing it. So again, he looked at me "You're thankful for me." Statement. Like he was digesting it. Probably overwhelmed with what to think about me stalking him in emerg...
I went for lunch with 2 amazing gals. We sat in the park, in the sun, talked about life --- the differing adventures we're on. ..... I gave them their cards. We got a bit of a sunburn but we also were able to talk about stuff we haven't had the chance to yet... I got to share my opinion and worry about one of their relationships with a guy. We ate sushi and cheesecake. I thanked Jesus for the day thus far.
I went to dinner with the fam and my friend meghann. I like my family. they're cool people. They've raised me well. Meghann and I hung out after that. I like her...... i heart her. We have fun together. She's honest with me. She's straight up. She's not afraid to challenge me when my thoughts get ahead of me and could drift into silliness...
Throughout the day I had countless messages/texts/facebook alerts and blackberry messenger chats attacking my phone. It was buzzing nonstop. I was overwhelmed. .... and sooooo blessed.
This is what I have realized -and later told the 12 people that stuck it out to 2am, sitting around my birthday bonfire 2 days later. We all make choices in our lives. Some good, some bad. We learn from them, we move on from them, we are influenced by them.. our lives are changed through them. One of the BIGGEST choices we can make is to choose to be a friend to someone. Seriously. It's in the moments of our lonliness that we WISH we had someone to be our shouder, or the other half of an embrace. It's in the times we are overflowing with joy that we savor sharing our happy dance with someone who'll dance with us. --> It's in those moments that we're needed to be there for other people. It's in those times when God prods us to call someone up, or invite someone out -- those sensitive moments that can really change a person's life. THOSE kinds of choices are the most amazing gifts --- the gift of friendship - CHOOSING to be a friend to someone else has an amazing effect on you, me, us, anyone. I told my friends that i am so blessed to have had them all choose to attend my birthday party when they could have been so many other places. I am so blessed by their influence in my life. I really am. Especially when I sat back after the party was over and read all the birthday cards ... after I realized there were close to 45 people who came.. (chose to)... after I thought about how the last 8 people decided to pray over me and ask God to bless my life for another year.
God is good... SOOOO good. He has given me some pretty awesome people to love on, to love me...
I have girls in my life who seem to embrace my thoughts as wisdom.
I have guys in my life who seem to embrace my words and attention as encouragement.
I have friends .... I really have friends. I heart them. I make sure they know it.
-- haha. .. and tonite, i now have 2 favorite guys telling me they will fix my car. One will do it himself, the other will get his 'crew' to do it.. One lives here in town, the other is 3 hours away. I'm laughing inside. I want to marry them both. ( :please note that the last sentence is NOT to be taken literally: )....
I had a WONDERFUL birthday week.
I trained with a pseudo-mom for 2 days. She commanded me to take stock of what I have, of who I am, of what I have been blessed with, what I've done so far, and to make a list of what I'm thankful for.
On the eve of my 30th I did that. I also knew i would be seeing some of my favorite people on my birthday so I felt thus compelled to let them know how thankful i was for them in my life.
My birthday day comes -- and i embrace the morning.... I open gifts alone, get myself together, and go to chapel at Teen Challenge. No one who was there knew it was my birthday altho i was told I looked really pretty that morning. The ones who DID know the importance of the 'prettiness' were noticably absent. .. .. One was called out to do a job of some sort, and the other took himself to ER. The whole ER thing caused my stomach to drop, literally.
What?
Should I go? Or carry on with my intention to go camera shopping? Pffffftt. The idea stopped there. Hello, seriously. Is there even something to consider? It is at this point that one realizes how much someone means to them..... If it were any other guy from TC in emerg, i probably would not have gone.
I raced to emerg, went in the back way my heart just a pounding. See.. this good friend of mine had just returned from 3 weeks in Africa -- and 6 weeks before that he had just gotten back from 3 weeks in the Philippines. I envisioned him sunken and sallow in a hospital bed crowded with nurses and IV's, being medicated to save his life from some horrid parasite that was literally eating him to death.
He wasn't where I thought he would be so i walked into the nurses station and looked at the boards that show where all the current patients are. (oh the perks of having worked there 4 years and having the staff know you). His name was on the board, he was probably just with someone... I go back. This time I find him sitting in a seat, slouched down, flipping thru a book he brought with him. I walk past a few patients towards him. He looks up and just stares at me. I think he was computing the whole concept of what the heck was I, someone he knows, doing there, when he felt like death.
It was my birthday. He knew it. And I spent an hour and a half sitting in ER with this amazing friend of mine. I got to know him more. I made him laugh, smile, joke and tell me that it wasn't wierd that I was there. I think he enjoyed my company. He found the fact that the doctor waved at me and the nurses chatted with me amusing. One nurse asked him if security should be called for the fact that I was harassing him (harassing was what I told them i was doing there, them knowing full well that i wasn't a patient).
Turned out, he was fine. Probably a parasite but one that will pass with time. Better he know and be relieved than to stress about it and enduce more panic... I walked him out to where he parked and gave him the "thank-you" card. He looked at me and said "it's YOUR birthday and you have a card for ME". I told him what i was doing -- why i was doing it. So again, he looked at me "You're thankful for me." Statement. Like he was digesting it. Probably overwhelmed with what to think about me stalking him in emerg...
I went for lunch with 2 amazing gals. We sat in the park, in the sun, talked about life --- the differing adventures we're on. ..... I gave them their cards. We got a bit of a sunburn but we also were able to talk about stuff we haven't had the chance to yet... I got to share my opinion and worry about one of their relationships with a guy. We ate sushi and cheesecake. I thanked Jesus for the day thus far.
I went to dinner with the fam and my friend meghann. I like my family. they're cool people. They've raised me well. Meghann and I hung out after that. I like her...... i heart her. We have fun together. She's honest with me. She's straight up. She's not afraid to challenge me when my thoughts get ahead of me and could drift into silliness...
Throughout the day I had countless messages/texts/facebook alerts and blackberry messenger chats attacking my phone. It was buzzing nonstop. I was overwhelmed. .... and sooooo blessed.
This is what I have realized -and later told the 12 people that stuck it out to 2am, sitting around my birthday bonfire 2 days later. We all make choices in our lives. Some good, some bad. We learn from them, we move on from them, we are influenced by them.. our lives are changed through them. One of the BIGGEST choices we can make is to choose to be a friend to someone. Seriously. It's in the moments of our lonliness that we WISH we had someone to be our shouder, or the other half of an embrace. It's in the times we are overflowing with joy that we savor sharing our happy dance with someone who'll dance with us. --> It's in those moments that we're needed to be there for other people. It's in those times when God prods us to call someone up, or invite someone out -- those sensitive moments that can really change a person's life. THOSE kinds of choices are the most amazing gifts --- the gift of friendship - CHOOSING to be a friend to someone else has an amazing effect on you, me, us, anyone. I told my friends that i am so blessed to have had them all choose to attend my birthday party when they could have been so many other places. I am so blessed by their influence in my life. I really am. Especially when I sat back after the party was over and read all the birthday cards ... after I realized there were close to 45 people who came.. (chose to)... after I thought about how the last 8 people decided to pray over me and ask God to bless my life for another year.
God is good... SOOOO good. He has given me some pretty awesome people to love on, to love me...
I have girls in my life who seem to embrace my thoughts as wisdom.
I have guys in my life who seem to embrace my words and attention as encouragement.
I have friends .... I really have friends. I heart them. I make sure they know it.
-- haha. .. and tonite, i now have 2 favorite guys telling me they will fix my car. One will do it himself, the other will get his 'crew' to do it.. One lives here in town, the other is 3 hours away. I'm laughing inside. I want to marry them both. ( :please note that the last sentence is NOT to be taken literally: )....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)