Reflections....

WOW.

Last Thursday I received and accepted an offer for a new position at work - Program Coordinator. This concludes a crazy yet amazing year. One year ago I started working officially in my current position- Case Worker -only after going thru a tough interview that led to the biggest spiritual attack I've ever gone through in my life. Here I am one year later. There have been highs and there have been lows... but through it, God taught me some pretty amazing things. I feel different, I work differently, I'm moving forward into a crazy future of wherever God is leading me.
In all of this were some integral friends, friends that I sent this to by email and friends I SOO appreciate for how God has used them to influence my life.


I can only imagine - uh, no I can't really - all that God has for me in the next year. For real....


Let me explain. I have seen SO much in my life and in the lives of others that has really challenged me, encouraged me and PUSHED me into a deeper intimacy with Jesus. You see, that spiritual attack in starting my job at The Boys and Girls Club could have only meant one thing - that Satan did NOT want me employed there - that he wanted me to doubt myself and my ability to be effective in any capacity. Bam. He lost that battle. Jesus won....
A lot of what I've gone through at work has made me into a stronger person. I had the best co-worker ever (thank you Lana!!, a million times over. Her truthful words were good on SO many occasions. Altho I lose her as a work buddy, I will always have her as a sister and friend, no matter where God takes her! *ahem* -- something about "he needed to pee in my bed" comes to mind...Ask me another time.) who really made my job as enjoyable as it was.
I was a part of "Twelve" (a city-wide young adults event) and grew in fellowship with some awesome people - I MC'd the Twelve events and became introduced to the "Men of the House". Ha! I was asked to "speak" at The House, a church that I had started attending, coached by one of the leaders there. God poured into me in and through that experience. I learned that I AM capable of doing so many things provided that I lean on the true I AM. I closed a few doors on other "obligations" and was freed from draining ties. I prayed for "help" with finances and God answered 2 days later with a summer job at The House. ..... SO fitting...


I have since learned to prioritize my efforts and energies. God's helped me to recognize that I don't have to please everyone. I grew passionate in the worship of prayer, realizing that prayer can be pretty awesome. I've found friends that I can laugh uncontrollably with - especially by the campfire light! Friends have challenged and encouraged me during coffee dates. I went through a couple relationships that really killed my heart but made me so much stronger! Jesus had to break some of the idols in my life that were keeping me from Him. You don't realize how hard that can be until you go through it. I learned to confront people that were stepping on my toes -- a type of pain I would normally just "deal" with, hoping all the while that the other person will just walk away. I've learned to realize my value in Christ and how I am worth so much more than I have often let myself believe that I am. I had a friend tell me that her and her friends watch my life and are encouraged by how I live -- thus causing me to start examining all that they are watching, knowing that I have to be held accountable to more than just me for how I live. I had another friend give me a word from God - a word that has been sticking with me ever since: "If you can't see it, you can't have it." I never thought those few simple words could become the motto for this past year.


I discovered that there is NO other place I would rather be in this world than in the presence of God. (wow....). I drove down by myself to Jesus Culture in California. It's hard to really explain what happened because I believe that my way of thinking is different -- therefore I can't really compare to how I used to think. Does that make sense? Let me explain. According to neuropsychology, when you learn something new you can change your thinking. By that I mean that your actual brain anatomy changes. Neural pathways that synapses fire on are created and followed while others die off due to lack of use. Therefore, if you're activating different pathways after an experience, you can't "think" the same because you're not using the older pathways. Did I just confuse you all the more? Ah well... I tried. What I'm trying to say is that at Jesus Culture, Jesus touched my heart and mind with different realizations and passions so that when I drove home I was thinking differently than when I went down there. I had new desires, I had a renewed sense of purpose. I had more of Jesus and a stirring to seek more and more of Him....


I came back from the experience uncertain as to where I would be though - jobwise, lifewise... A pastor and friend down there told me I should move down and work at his church with them.... My heart really wanted to stay. Another friend told me to stay so that he could see where my giftings were -- possibly getting me a job with Jesus Culture itself. Uh.... yes please?! I knew it wasn't the right timing though. I had 'stuff' to sort through back home. I knew God wasn't' done with me here .... I came back to the offer of staying on at The House as an intern for the school year. I came back to the reality that my co-worker at the Boys and Girls Club was going to resign. I came back to a pastor challenging me on creating a singular focus in my spiritual life so that God can use me in full -- that I not distribute myself but define my outpour. I came back to some some stretching in becoming the woman God has designed me to be. Can I see it? How badly do I want it? Jesus was telling me to step up - He was asking me to take some leaps of faith, to take a few steps higher in my journey with Him. ..


So, when I wrote this last Thursday -- I was sitting in a church/student lounge/arts venue working one of my 2 evening shifts a week, being present in case students wanted to come and study. I am there to make hot beverages, chat, encourage, serve. That night, there was no one there. I had my music on loud and I was waiting for the washer to finish so I could go home. There, I have access to as much (or as little) chai latte's as I want. I'm in such a present place of God-filled peace that I can't feel anything but excited for the future. Monday (today) I started training "for real" for the *new* job I accepted last week. This week things get a bit busier at The House. In the next couple months I'm probably moving out on my own with a roomie to a house downtown.


One year. So much happened in ONE year. 365 days. I'm SOOOO excited for this next year. If God takes me south, I'm ready. If God builds more things here for me, I'm ready. If God takes me home, I'm ready. The only place I want to be is in His presence - the physical location doesn't matter much at all.
I do have to say though, He sure has given me some of the most amazing people I have ever met to encourage, challenge, love on, hug, cry with, laugh with, and hang out with. I have told them who they are. I thank God for them, MANY TIMES OVER - for putting up with me, for blessing me. I can honestly say that sometimes I sit in disbelief that the amazing people that they are care enough about me to spend their energy or time or words on someone like me. I'm blessed beyond belief and so unworthy. I can only hope and pray that they continued to stick around. ;)


“You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result” - Ghandi