...

On occasion, I write on the alivebc.com blog. .... My latest post is as follows.. :

Have you ever gone off into complete solitude for a while? Now I don’t mean solitary confinement (TORTURE!) or anything of that sort. Rather, have do you ever take time to just go and be in complete silence somewhere? It almost seems weird in the world of noise-music-talk-radio that we live in today. People would probably go through some sort of separation anxiety if they had their mp3 player removed from their tight grasp or perfectly indented pocket. Necks and ears would feel naked without earphones and their cords strategically in place. Car rides would seem longer without stereo noise. Our hands would be fidgety without our cell phone. Can you imagine?

I was driving home from a meeting the other day and the lyrics of “Forget What You Came For” by The Myriad actually caught my attention. I’ve heard the song multiple times before – both live and recorded. This was the first time though that I was really trying to figure out what they meant. They sing: “quit making noise, and become still for the silent voice, forget what you came for and give up what you have, forget what you came for and give up what you love”.
Silent voice? Who’s voice? Ah… God’s voice. Quit making noise? But I’m praying, aren’t I? I’m praising, yes? Am I? Or am I merely enjoying the sound of my own voice uttering what I wish to be prayer requests. And prayer requests for whose glory? My own? Just so I can say “I prayed for you last night/yesterday/today”, or because that person really was on my prayer list or my heart at that time? But noise? Really?

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” – 1 Cor 13:1.
Ah… yes. Noise.
Have you ever come before God just because you’ve felt like you need to? And just sat there, in silence? It’s hard to do, sitting in silence. The mind likes to wander to various distractions – the day, week, month, year, people, places, things, food…
Okay, back to what I got to thinking about in terms of the lyrics. “Forget what you came for, give up what you have/love”. It was a reminder to me: sometimes I have to just shut up, sometimes I have to just sit and see what God brings to my mind. I have to sit in His presence and give up on my own agenda – my own needs/wants/wishes/frustrations and see what He may want to tell me. Maybe I find myself in His presence with my fists holding tightly to things I don’t want to let go of – of my future, my career, my dreams, my ideal love life. I often second guess the fact that God may have BETTER plans for me than what I think would be ideal. I tend to fear that He will send me to Tijuana, Mexico or the dirtiest place of my fears and expect me to do something outside of my giftings and passions. I know that’s not His agenda though…. We all know that.
Lately I have been sitting in God’s presence with my palms literally open and upward. I don’t want to be holding anything back. I want to trust that God has my life in His palm. I want to sit there and close my mind and all outward distractions so that I can be of pure heart and connect with His heart. I think that it is in these moments that God can honestly bring people to mind that He DOES want you to pray for. I heard it once said somewhere, that if God brings a person to your mind you should pray for them – not dream about them, or wonder what they’re doing (well, you can do that if you really want to), but they at that moment may be going thru a spiritual/physical/emotional battle and need some prayer. If you’re in the right place God may nudge YOU to pray for them – to fire off a legion of angels their way.
Wow. Can you imagine the power in that? All our prayers go before God – Revelation 8:3 talks about them as being offered with incense. Every time YOU pray, you join the army- you join the battle of the Lord.
“Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.” Ps 37:7
“For the pagan world runs after all [physical worries], and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.” Luke 12:30-31.

God knows what our hearts melt for. He knows what our hearts break for. He knows what we get frustrated about – and He still loves to have us tell Him in prayer. Perhaps though, sometimes we just need to sit and let HIM tell us what’s on His heart for us. Perhaps we just need to let go of all those worries and trust that He is enough to satisfy whatever it is.
Sometimes we need to turn DOWN the worship music and hear God’s whisper that we may be drowning out. Maybe we need to surgically extract the earbuds of our mp3 player from our near-deaf ear and spend some moments listening to His still small voice. [Have you ever been somewhere and the people beside you seemed to be involved in a very private conversation --- whispering --- and your ears were totally piqued. You’re listening to music but you find yourself secretly muting your tunes so you can try to catch onto what they’re saying. It does seem important with all that hush-hush business. That’s the way it always goes… I think we need to press into the conversations of God with that same interest and see what His next move or intrigue will be!]
Maybe we need to put aside our latest and greatest complaints of life and hear God’s greater agenda. The world does not revolve around us after all. It revolves around the Son, er, sun.
So, forget what you came for, give up what you have, or what you love. Listen for His voice. Sit in silence and hear. God may tell you His own secrets. Wouldn’t you love to be privy to THAT kind of information?

Christ IN you... literally...

Ever heard of a molecule called Laminin? I didn't until about a month ago. Whoa. ... now that is an eye opener.
Cool video here.

No time for video? just check out this image:

Yeah.

I thought so too.

There's a new fun song running through my head. It's fun.... i haven't really listened to all the words tho, so it may not be my philosophy. HA!

I had the best weekend ever. It started with my mom's birthday on friday - went out for dinner with the fam. JUST got home when the my brother and his gf showed up at the door! SURPRISE! So.. that was fun... That night I went out and saw Wolverine (delish), the next day I went to a BBQ and had some GREAT laughs while playing a game called "Quelf" . Oh gosh. If you want to laugh at other people and yourself, that's the game to play. Sunday was an awesome service at church... and then sunday night I hosted a bonfire. Again.. more laughing. These new (and old) friends of mine are just fabulous... Seriously. We wound up having a marshmallow fight of all marshmallow fights that included a good wad of squished marshmallows being put down the back of one guy's shirt... Another guy kept putting more and more twigs on the fire to the point where the fire matter (sticks) were only about 2 feet off the ground, but the flames shot up about 8 or 9 feet. NO JOKE. I started freaking out, for fear that my parents would either yell from the house or a neighbor would call 9-1-1. Instead, this one guy Jared, decided he would JUMP THROUGH the flames. Twice. Again, freak me out. He only had a few singed leg hairs. He tried to convince me to do it but uh, no thanks. I still can't believe that he jumped THROUGH the flames, and those flames were not exactly small... Silly man.

Monday invovled a good hike - impromptu - with 14 young adults! It was a great turn out!! 8 of us went to Boston Pizza after to revive ourselves - and from there I met up with a couple different friends to go bowling... I'm not a fan of 5-pin bowling. I'm all about 10 pin. ... that's all I have to say about that. Or Wii bowling, that's fun too.

So, some of us girls have been thinking about summer events. Seeing as how 2 of us have the "in" with 3 different church young adults groups, we're taking on the organization of "Summer Funs", yes "funs". Once a month we want to do something that may require a bit of cash, but for every other event, we just want to get out and do hikes, bikes, walks, bonfires, bbq's etc. It is more than awesome to get large groups of young adults together to meet each other and hang out. We just need events to do it... We've already decided that one weekend we're going to road trip out to Playland ... Oh yes... bring on the rollarcoasters! :D

That's it for now.

I'm at work. Back in Rehab. I forgot how quiet it can be - hence the blog. :) I dont' mind, i don't mind AT ALL....

Coffee Love...

I love going for coffee with friends. We don't even have to drink coffee, that part is negotiable... but it's the concept. It's the fact that you sit across a table, or sit on a couch with a friend and you share your hearts with each other. No expectations, no facade, no underlying motivations...



Yesterday after work I spent 4 hours with a dear sweet gal I know that I kinda "nanny'd" for 2 weeks some 7 years ago. She's now 21 and AMAZING. ...
I get so encouraged when I encourage people. I get so filled with joy in these moments of LIFE! I honestly don't think I could be more at peace with where I'm at in life than I am now. Sure there are moments where I wish certain things were different, but then I see or hear why I am where I'm at -- something happens, or a realization overtakes me. And it all makes sense.... Yesterday we chatted about life, about love, about future and perspectives, about pasts, about God and all that He's taught is through where He's taken us. And then we sat there marvelling God's awesome goodness. We sat there thinking about the little things in life that can be marvelling -- about being objective and trying to see stuff for the first time. For instance, put your fingers on the pulse in your wrist or throat. Think about that for a second or two, or 10. To many medical professionals, a pulse meanse "life".... you're alive by medical standards because of that pulsating muscle in your chest --- driven by the section of your brain located at the uppermost part of your spinal cord called the Medulla. The medulla is the ONLY part of your brain that is automatic -- you have NO control over it... and that's a good thing. We forget our car keys, our way to a friend's house, the combination to our gym locker and important appointments. Could you imagine forgetting to remind your heart to beat? Or forgetting to breathe while you're sleeping? Yeah, there's a reason for the automaticity.... But do we ever take a few minutes to just feel the life in our friends? We hear it when they're talking, we see it in their actions. Or how about the eyes? -- have you stared into a friend's eyes only to examine the intricate coloring or patterning in their iris? -- and that's just the surface part of the eye. Wow. Eyes CAN be windows to the soul. Have you stared into someone's eyes of late and felt a passion within you freak out? Not because there's an attraction, but because you can see to their full potential and passion? Because you see their LIFE? --- whenever I get thinking about this i seem to come back to the 2 lines in John Mayer's song "Only Heart" that say "Feel my chest when I look at you, baby you, you got my only heart"....

Kinesics are cool.

Needless to say, my drive home last night was spent praising God for who He is, and all that He does.


I'm turning the big 30 this month. It's daunting. It's intimidating... It holds so many underlying societal expectations of what happens when one turns 30. Yeah. Whatever. So they say. Who decides that anyways? Statistics? -- simply because it has been the way things have been going? Because generations before have set a standard or trend... Yeah, well, God's beyond trends, He's beyond societal norms. So, boo. I've decided that I will look at this 'celebration' as depicting everything that I have DONE, as opposed to what I haven't done... I know that I'm where I'm at for a reason and couldn't really have done anything differently in keeping alligned with what I've felt God calling me to do or be. This past year has been a testiment to that. I can acknowledge that i would not change a single thing... not ONE thing.
-- and I'm not just telling myself that.

Oh, and there's something else that I found that is crazy cool... but i have to refind it again. next time.

... 31 hours? ....

God makes people beautiful. He really does. I experienced that last week. No details, but wow. I had never realized how God can change a perspective if I let Him, if i needed Him to in order to remove doubts. Pretty fantastic.

I worked my last night shift - ever - (hopefully). It was wierd. It was bittersweet. It was ... wierd. The work itself was odd - the patients that came into Emerg were wierd, the situation of trying to move patients out of emerg into the rest of the hospital was wierd... And, coming to terms with reading "we'll miss you" cards and explaining my next "move" to people was wierd. We had donuts, macaroons, one-bite-brownies, a cake, chips, candy and green beans. Well, i didn't get to my green beans that night, can you guess why? Yeah. And, shall I mention that on night shift there is only 2 of us working? AND, my coworker bought me a mocha. Awe. I wasn't telling MANY people i was leaving, so as the nurses in ER were slowly finding out they were paying their dues, 'i'll miss you's" and sampling some sweets, i felt.... wierd. The Emerg doctor got to tell me he liked my hair (again, still). Finally, leaving time, i hugged all my buddies farewell, gathered up my flower, chocolate and cards and left.
Meghann and I had plans. I hit her place, picked her up, and both her and I booked it for Bellingham. Yes, Ihad already been up since 4pm the previous day but it was now 8:30 am, I was "awake" and excited to go SHOP! Meg had just finished her BA, i just finished this job, ... and woo woo!! .. CELEBRATE!
We drove. We talked about boys - the jerk who played her, the crush who is sweet to me; we danced to the music. We waved to the construction workers and contemplated kidnapping a couple of them. We stopped in Chilliwack to visit a buddy of mine -- surprising him with a "come outside in 10 minutes" text. We found out he'd be getting a tattoo later that day so we told him we'd be back the next day on our way home to see it. It's also entertaining to stop at a rehab center for men as 2 attractive females -- knowing that the guy we're visiting is going to be so razzed by the rest of the guys there after we leave. .... So worth it. :)
We hit bellingham by noon. We left bellingham at 6:30 - and over $600 poorer (we were poorer, the city was not). We lied to the border guard (forgive us Lord), but she understood girl time and Bath and Bodyworks. We got back to her aunt's, changed, and headed to a 'concert'. George Canyon, Aaron Pritchett and Jessie Farrel. HILARIOUS. Cool. Entertaining. Good times. I was exhausted, but so glad to have been there!
Hitting the pillow at 11pm timed my awake time as 31 hours. The longest yet - and the LAST! I slept well that night.... I didn't wake up once. 8 hours later we were rousing and packing to get out.
The drive home was more mellow, Meghann napped, my friend's tattoo was cool...
2:30 pm I dropped of Meghann and I headed home.

.....
Last night I spent 6 hours with a friend i've known for over 10 years. He's a boy. Well, I guess he's a man. But wow... I treasure that man like nothing I can describe. I don't know what it is but I've always seemed to be able to have guy friends with "no romantic feelings" -- and it's a true blessing to my heart. Last night I got his advice on "the latest" in my 'like-life' (no to be confused with love-life because love would be the WRONG word at this point). I gave my advice on him and his gf's situation and status. Fabulous. Nothing short of fabulous could describe our time together. We honestly adore each other in the true and pure sense of the word - as friends. JUST friends - and not like the movie of the same title. FRIENDS in the most descriptive sense of understanding phileo. *sigh*. I only have a year and a half before he leaves me to go to Aussie land to be with his Aussie-honey. He's already asked me to move down there with them.... I told him i'd bring my own lover and spend a week or two.

I tell ya. This week has taught me so much on how appreciative I need to be of my friends. There are some darn amazing people surrounding me with affection. Some really know how to make me feel unworthy, honored, overwhelmed..... And Sunday, I had one evasive boy write me: "I feel better whenever I spend some time with you. Thank you." -(I surprised him with a visit when he wasn't expecting it). Uuugh. I'm so unworthy.
All I can do is praise. Praise you Jesus for these people. I can only pray they're blessed the way I have been blessed. If i could give each one of them the world, I would. I've probably already tried.. .... ..

The "Last" week...

This week is a week of "lasts" - so to speak.

Tonite was our "last" alive for a while, and possibly ever? Dunno. It was fantastic though. Cory Siewert led worship (love his heart), Scott said a diddy, we had communion, we had coffeehouse... I danced, jumped and swung my arms around in the back with a few friends. It was blessed. I also presented Scott with a Thank-you card and gift cert to take his wife out on a hot date. Our church is having a rough time right now, so, in feeling with with Scott's whole visage, I told him that I felt some of us should pray for him and lay hands on him. He was good with that. We did....
I will miss weekly harassments of any sort with Scott. Mind you, I'm pretty sure that our Blackberry Messenger antics will not end. Plus, he still has to put a good word in for me to my current *crunch*.
This summer we're going to join with other churches for sports nights in the park, fellowship, funs, etc etc. I'm definitely digging the conglomeration of all the Kelowna young adults. It's seriously fantastic. .... And i am serious. Back in the day it was as if there were a competition between denominations as to who when where and when- - and there was no mulitple church attendancing. If you did, it was just wierd. (I did, and some found me wierd). Now, it's almost normal -- going to one church in the am, another in the pm, yet another for some mid-week hang out bible study or fellowship. One pastor said a few weeks ago "we are all ONE church. There is ONE God. ONE body.... .... ONE church." I agree. So now it's all about meeting as many as I can from different churches. It's awesome. :)

And tonite is my 3rd last night shift (or shift at all) in Admitting. As of May 1, I will be a casual in Rehab once again. Yippee!!!! No more night shifts, no more weekends, no more evenings. YES! I will miss the steady paycheck and shift differential though, but that's just money - and something God wants me to challenge Him on (or rather, trust Him in). No more drunk idiots coming in at 3 am after bar fights. No more freaked out surgical patients staring at my chest and cracking dumb jokes. Oh wait. I'll just have cognitively challenged pts staring at my chest and muttering disinhibited thoughts. Awesome. No more cops (*sigh* I will miss that..). No more paramedics or transport personnel telling me funny naked people stories. No more ER docs asking me to do something with THEIR hair, or calling me stylish, or telling me they always see me in purple...No more spying on cute Med Residents sipping coffee in the lobby. No more urologists buying us pizza... Awe, now i'm getting reminisent. I guess I will miss this stuff....

All of it.

But it's good.

Onto bigger and better. Onto physiotherapists and occupational therapists, to free massages and foot orthotics, onto harassing neurolgists for an MRI referral... Onto using the gym equipment after hours... And to so much more I don't even know about yet!

Just 2 more night shifts... 2 more.

Life Organization, I think....

I have been on "holidays" for the past week and a half. It has been beautiful. No schedule, no must-do's ... nothing. I also haven't gone anywhere - even when opportunity arose. See, the holidays needed to be taken or else i would have had over 100 holiday hours with about 40 sick pay hours all paid out to me the first week of May and as a result, have been taxed unbelievably so. I decided instead to take as much holiday time as I could to prevent the mass pay out (altho, there will still be lots paid out... )....
But during my time off work I've still found myself busy. Coffee dates with friends, random shopping sprees, facebook chatting (with friends not in this city/country/world... ha!). Not to mention the mayhem of Easter and the 22 people that brought to our house! All good of course.
This past Wednesday was a stand-out point though. I made a date to see my friendly psychologist, ahem, mentor, uh... future boss. He told me to come see him so we could discuss my "life". Wednesday mornings though, usually -if i'm not working - consist of me going to attend Teen Challenge's public chapel. I love it there.... A mid-week church service of the heart. Plus, I get to see some of my coolest friends all dressed in dress pants, collared shirts and ties. This week I 'gave up' my wednesday morning to facilitate a forum with the John Howard Society RJ program -- all the while hoping that the 'vicitm' wouldn't show up so i could go to chapel.
The forum went really well though. It is more or less mediation between 2 people -- you tell your story, now you tell yours -- anyone have anything else to say to anyone else, let's make an agreement -- what do we want to see come of this.... sign here, here's your copy, thanks for coming out! Once everyone's gone, it's an amazing feeling --- to have been a part of something restorative - to see people get a second chance, to see people healed, to see people get their answers.....
I left feeling like i made a difference -- and then onward to discuss my life.
Sitting in Dr. M's office is never wierd -- probably because i'm not a patient. I've been in there so often to "chat" about random things and to hang out, to borrow a book or two, to get reference letters. Our discussions are always encouraging. We talked about what my plan is for school, what happens if Plan A doesn't come through - at least I know more or less why it didn't. We planned out Option B -- or what we could do, really. See, in the Psychology dept. he had 3 psychology testers who administer various neurolpsychological tests to patients who have had some form of cognitive change (stroke, head injury, tumor, surgery etc). I've thought of doing that for a while but never really got around to it. Talking about it this time got me excited though -- simply because it's beneficial to have the training no matter where I go after. Once trained, i could use my learned skills to administer tests to children referred to a child psychologist. I could be more aware of behavioral cues and differences in regular children in a school setting.... I could generally just work during off seasons or when I need work as a tester and make a pretty good wage doing so. Plus, i could give IQ tests (the real ones) to friends as a way of me practicing!! Very cool.
Dr M. and I bantered on about my potentials in any facet -- how he could use me once i'm trained in a bunch of different ways/places .... how i could use my training in a million ways in the future... We talked about my future -- goals, money, life... He told me what he would have done differently, he told me that he thinks my place in life is a good place to be.... Encouraging!
It was exhilarating! I'm excited about life! I'm excited about where God leads! In retrospect of where I was last year, I can't believe how much I've learned about myself, about others, about God.... And I am more than blessed to have made the friends I've made in that time too. Wow.

I followed up my "Sesh" with a good visit to a co-worker on maternity leave and her wee munchkin. Rad people. Then... that evening I had dinner with a fabulous friend and gabbed about boys. *sigh* My friend even said to me "Your eyes are sparkling with excitement! What have you got going on?"...

It just seems that life is coming together in a way. What I dont' have doesn't seem to matter because in the big picture, it's all about what you do have. I don't mean "stuff" == but rather an attitude of joy, or praise, or recognition that life IS good even when it sucks. I can't take the friends i have for granted because I am who I am on account of their influence! I have legs that work and eyes that see -- and sometimes we get so petty in the little things. God is good... He is just SO good and He sure seems to know what makes me joyful -- what I truely need.....

Here's a picture that made me smile today. I stole it off of facebook. The three guys in the picture are 3 of the coolest people I know. ... Daniel (blue shirt), Cam (center) and Mark (black shirt, camo shorts). This was taken when they went to the Phillippines with Teen Challenge as ambassadors. Mark and Daniel will be making Sushi at my big birthday bash coming up next month.... wahoo!!

Do you RANT in your dream?

No?

I do.
I did the other night...

Back a couple of years ago i took a distance class on --- current topics? I can't even remember what it was. Being a distance class you do have to submit opinions on this chat program with others in the class and then comment no their topics too. -- all relative to the course of course! I couldn't go on there and randomly choose to seek opinions on different aspects of life that truly mattered to me, no, it was all relative to class topics.

One week we were discussing FASD (Fetal Alcoholism) and how women should or should not have any alcohol during pregnancy. People would of course talk about how their mother did or did not drink; about how these women who do choose to drink should have their children taken away; rehab programs for mothers etc.
My woman's lib and internal feminist started burning inside me. WHY ARE WE BLAMING THE WOMAN? IS THERE NO ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THE MAN?? Seriously. We blame Eve for the apple (unless you go to a good church that reflects on how the Man is the "man" of the house, the leader, and in the situation of Adam and Eve stood in passivity choosing not to encourage her otherwise or reflect on God's heart for the matter, and how ever since then men have held this passive stance while still dictating on their women).
So, in this subject of debate, I got on there and said "when a woman is pregnant, she doesn't get that why by herself, so why not during pregnancy, the man choose to remain sober and clean as a means of support?"
In my mind, it's only fair. They are a team - or should be - and intend on raising the child together, so.. yes?
Further in my thoughts then I considered this -- have any scientists dared to think about how alcohol may POSSIBLY effect the sperm in any way? The body is a unit - ETOH goes everywhere.... why not to the testes? Have they not considered the possibilty that deficits in some way may result from a man's choosing to drink all the time before spreading his drunken swimmers? Or what about age? We know that men in their 70's can still aid in producing children but could their sperm be a bit "defective?"..... The body is falling apart after all.

Not last year I read an article on just that. Albeit it was short - but i was vindicated, and oh SO happy. Older men (like those in their 60's and 70's) should not reproduce. They say that even men in their 40's have a higher chance of problems in terms of the 'health' of their sperm. Gee, you think? Argh. Maybe now they're looking at he effects of alcohol too. I thought I read something about that too somewhere, but perhaps I'm wrong.

Back to my dream.
I was sitting in this public forum and everyone was discussing and arguing over whether women should have a sip or not of alcohol, let alone a drink while pregnant or considering pregnancy. For one, the most damage is done in the first 6-10 weeks of gestation if you drink a lot - and generally, people may not even know they're pregnant! But in my dream i started spewing facts I didn't realize I knew, facts about the man's role, and what about the potential deficits to DNA construction in drunk sperm, about how men should choose to remain clean with their woman if they dare want to call that child theirs and take some so-called responsibility.
I was steaming. But i was clear in my point. In my dream they applauded me. I wasn't looking for that but it made a point.... And I took it.

I have nothing against alcohol per se, but i really do NOT like what it does to people. = what it does to their bodies and most importantly, how it destroys life. Our neighbor was a drinker but his family didn't realize just how much until now, in his 70's his brain has atrophy'd so much that he's not really there: Korsakoff's Disease - dementia as a result of alcoholism.
I mentored a child for the RJ Program at the Boys and GIrls Club who was FASD. He has such big dreams but cognitively ...... he's not rational. He will struggle for the rest of his life. It broke my heart.
I hang out with guys who were addicted to anything and everything. One of them told me that he wouldn't have a conversation with a girl unless he had alcohol in his system and a brown bottle in his hand. When I first met this guy and talked with him for a while he asked me how he was doing socially-wise - whether the conversation was okay because he wasn't used to talking to a girl without a drink in his hand and a smoke in the other - he had been clean for 11 months at this point.

In my psychopharmacology class we studied all the drugs, their potency, their effects (long term and short term) and all the studies pointed to tobacco and alcohol being far worse than others out there - or at least just as bad as some others out there. No joke. If they were not "legal" today, they would never be legalized because of how harmful they are. That took me for a surprise. In otherwords, you're far better off ingesting some good ol BC Bud (not smoking, cuz that hurts your lungs) than you are anything else. It's not addictive, doesn't hold long term effects unles you become a chronic user... (not that I'm advocating at all! i despise it all!). OR, i thought that i would be better off 'chipping' one weekend - getting high on cocaine for a weekend - and then back to life come monday. [this is common among many professionals who choose to be what they call "chippers", going on a cocaine high for the weekend - no addiction, just a 'get away from the every day']. Again. I don't recommend any of it.... but as a whole, it paints a pretty good picture for the use of any "drug".
Ignorance isn't bliss.... it's stupidity. A lesson I'm learning in detail.

Have you ranted lately?

I DID IT!

The past few weeks have been a deliberation in whether to change my occupational status or not. In other words, should I remove myself from my full time job to go and work in a different (but original) department.
This past Thursday night I went to young adults at a different church and we talked about how every moment should be the greatest moment of your life because it is all you have. Previous moments are past, future ones have not come.-- we need to live NOW. Not tomorrow, not years from now, but NOW... I sat there listening and the pastor said - i promise he did - that if you're considering a change in your job but don't want to out of leaving your comfort zone, you need to do it. I smiled. I hear you God. I hear you. .... and then he continued in talking about living -- making one's life full, about traveling and really living life. My consideration for "should I europe" is almost affirmed.

Then, last night. At my church. The pastor here talked about how we need to move out of our levels of comfort, take steps of faith, take opportunities out of our zones of "easyness"....
I felt like God said AGAIN.. "shar, you need to move from your job..." I felt Him give me a peace about it - an excitement about it - that I wouldn't be opposed by my current manager. I was happy in the choice that may not make others happy. I realized that maybe it's time to figure out my life and not the 'happiness' of others before it. ....I felt like God told me to enjoy a trip to Europe, that I should go visit my friends there.

And so I am potentially booking my flight (listed below) to Europe... (Patti, i will be back in time for your wedding!!)
And today, not 20 minutes ago, I fired off a message to my manager and supervisor about leaving my position to go elsewhere. ... *phew*

There's just so much being worked on in my heart. There's so much I'm challenging in myself - or, well, rather that God is challenging. I want to take risks. I want to try new things. I want to see new sights and be a part of what God is wanting to do... And I'm excited about it!!

To Europe or not to Europe, that is the question.

I'm changing my job situation (i hope) as of May 1st. I will have 2 weeks off in June...

And I found this:

MUNICH, GERMANY
Air Only - Roundtrip
Vancouver Departs: June 3, 10 @ $399 (Rtn: June 18)
Vancouver Departs: June 3, 10 @ $499 (Rtn: June 11, 25)

Argh.............. I can't decide.

Great Quote:

"The Lord never came to deliver men from the consequences of their sins while yet those sins remained; that would be to cast out of window the medicine of cure while yet the man lay sick; to go dead against the very laws of being. Yet men loving their sins, and feeling nothing of their dread hatefulness, have, consistently with their low condition, constantly taken this word concerning the Lord to mean that he came to save them from the punishment of their sins. The idea- the miserable fancy rather - has terribly corrupted the preaching of the gospel."
~ George Macdonald, from "The Hope of the Gospel".

Hair, oh hair...

I got my hair done again. I thoroughly enjoy going to my hairdresser. For one, she's the bomb. We have such a GREAT time when we're together... I tell her my stories (there's always something that's happened that puts her into stitches), and two, she makes wonderful magic with my hair! I leave feeling like a whole new person.

I seriously think i entertain the rest of the hairdressers there too (and the clients). They all watch the colors that go into my hair, the saran wrap that goes between the colors, and the crazy cut my dresser comes up with on her own after gleefully clapping her hands and jumping up and down like a child anticipating the best time ever. I'm glad to be her entertainment..
I tip her pretty well too. It's usually in the form of a booster juice...


Oh, Booster Juice. I like them. Their downside is that they're positioned between Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory and a Sushi Shop. While patiently standing in line for a 'healthy alternative', I debate whether i should get me a caramel apple (*drool*) for 'later' (meaning, now), or some California Rolls and Bubble Tea instead. .... I most often stick with Booster Juice and this past week i was glad I did. For a limited time they have this AMAZING Pomegranite Passion flavor. OH. MY. Soooooooooooo good. It was like candy. Or Sherbet. Or something beyond good.... I wonder how limited the time is that they say it's limited for. I may have to go wander the mall for the sake of getting another one. Or for one of these:

In other news:

I have a new toy. ..

It's totally convenient. 160 books at my fingertips - it gives me 100 free books to download, mind you they're from a select 1000 books of the "classics", so, i'm loading up on Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, George MacDonald and more.. I figure that it's always good to have a little DIckens or Austen on hand. I ADORE their literature and prose. I could ready it over and over and over again...

Good ol' technology.

Speaking of technology. I have two incredible friends over in the Phillipines right now, and I miss contact with them.... BUT, it just so happens that their hours (16 hrs ahead) correspond well with my night shifts so I've been blessed with the ability to email them and/or facebook them (via my blackberry because work has Facebook blocked) when they're online! YAY for that! Yay for the internet in the Phillipines!! I'm able to hear how God's working in their hearts over there.... *sigh*. 10 more days until they fly back to Canada! I will see one of them in 2 weeks hopefully, and I swear I will attack him when I do...

I'm at work right now... and this is what I'm tired of getting.
Me: "Who do you want me to put down as your person to notify in case of emergency?"
Patient: "uhhh... can I put you down? Can you be my emergency contact?"

No, people! NO!
not my idea of a winner pick-up line.

A Busy Week, kinda....

At young adults, we were made to sit outside in the parking lot for a good 10 minutes, no talking, no huddling with people... An illustration for the night's sermon on homelessness.
I love that group of people. I really do. I don't know a whole lot of them, but they're pretty cool. I enjoy being a part of the leadership for them - despite the fact that it can be frustrating. One thing excites me though -- and that is where God is taking the group. Perhaps it will dissolve to be a once a month meeting with life group focus. We don't know. I thoroughly enjoy the leadership that it does have right now. The pastor is such a cool guy....

My volunteer work with the Boys and Girls Club is more than enjoyable. I like it a lot....

And...... work is frustrating.
5 of us got freaked on by our manager this week. She accused us of stealing $2. We found $4 under the photocopier the next day. The morale in the dept is dead. I'm setting up my escape plan...

I enjoy my friends. I truely do. I'm so blessed by each and everyone one of them. I have been realizing of late that I'm pretty lucky to have the friends I have. Seriously. In order for someone to be your friend, they need to like you. Some days, I just don't think I'm likable. Some days (like yesterday) I'm down right "dirty" and need a good dunk in some joy juice or something. I just keep thinking that I need to be an example. I need to show the love of Christ because my co-workers are watching me -- and i remember my pastor saying "Us Christians should be the most joyful people on earth, but we need to tell our faces that because sometimes it looks as if we were baptised in vinegar or lemon juice.." I don't want that to be me....
So it's on these horrible days that I reflect and rest in awe of those friends who call me "friend", those individuals in my life who WANT to spend time with me, who WANT to know how my week was, and who smile and embrace me when they see me.
I can only try to be just as good to them (if not better) than they are to me.... cuz frankly, I don't deserve some of them.....

Quotes I've said, heard or read this week in and around town...

"Stay safe. Come back in one piece. I'm not finished getting to know you yet."

"...pulled out of her car wearing only a g-string, a boustier and knee high boots. Completely drunk."

"You drink latte's right? Here's one for you, with a chocolate heart on top!"

"One should have a 3 second, 30 second and 30 minute sermon ready...."

"I don't think that i have ever had a friend as good as you."

And tonite's winning story.
The time: 0445am. The emergency/code phone rings. I reach quickly to grab the phone and see it originates in Emergency "Code Phone!" -- "Uh.... code white, Emerg"...
I hang up the phone, press the tone button and page overhead "CODE WHITE EMERGENCY, ...CODE WHITE ....EMERGENCY?". Should I have been calling Admitting?? As i hang up the phone I see a husky 20-something guy with a laceration to his forehead come ambling into our department from emergency with 2 nurses on his tail, wearing nothing but a diaper. "Come back! Where are you going?!" The nursing supervisor hops up from her seat saying "No no... wrong way!"
The young drunk hockey player (as referred by the nursing staff) kept walking into our backroom/lunchroom as if he knew where he were going.
"Is there a bathroom back there?" one of the nurses asks.
uhhhh......
And then I hear "Oh come on, keep your pants on man!"
Seriously?
3 or 4 more staff members on the "code white" team come walking through. "They're in the back... come save us!" I said, laughing.
Nursing supervisor comes out and says "I think we'll need housekeeping.. he kinda missed the toilet". Awesome.
I told one of the guys walking by just to make sure that the man had clothes on when he came back out.
Thankfully, not 15 seconds later, buddy comes walking out wearing only a gown (not done up in the back) being held on by the nurses trailing him, his eyes pinned on me.... I try to maintain eye contact or avoid any contact whatsoever but he maintains his gaze. Reaching not 8 feet away and walking straight towards me, he grasps down and pulls up his gown mumbling something like "you wannnnaaa..".
NO THANK YOU!
I turn my head as fast as I could to save myself some visual scarring and exhibitionistic counseling, thankfully seeing NOTHING...
"whoooeeee. I didn't see anything. ugh..."I say once they're back in emergency. One of the nurses stops, touches my shoulder and says "Oh, dont' worry. There's nothing worth seeing!". Haha.. Thanks!

Oy.....
I walked into emerg later and the unit clerk looks at me and just starts cracking up, "your face! you're just not impressed!" "Why didn't you keep him!! I didn't want him!" I said. She justkept laughing.....
The police show up later and come over saying "we're all good here? So, he came walking into your department wearing only a diaper?" They're smiling away at me... "Oh yeah. Sheer entertainment. Why weren't you guys here earlier?"
Ha!

Gotta love entertainment that I'M paid for.

The BIG 3-0

What to do, what to do...

So, my birthday is coming up in a couple of months and i'm contemplating it's activities... You see, I want it to be something enjoyable but I'm not sure to what extent....

I am currently considering a couple of options.

1. Trip to Europa.. I have been wanting to go back and visit my friends there in Germany, Switzerland and Italy but I'm not SUPER enthused about going like I have been in previous years. In going though, I'd want to be with a friend or two that I'm super tight with -- or do something memorable. Considering I have been to Europe 3 times before, there's no where that i am DYING to go to and see, especially on my 30th birthday.

2. Trip to SoCal. I could choose to meet a super amazing close friend down in southern California for some fun in the sun, sand and ocean. In previous years, our family vacationed down there with another close family and those have always been highlights. I'm such a fan of the pacific ocean off the coast of California that this trip would be dreamy -- especially with a good friend. Nothing like ringing in the big birthday with relaxation and sunshine. I just don't know if that's exciting enough...

The question is, what is it that I am looking for -- what do i WANT from a birthday. Previous years have disappointed, but it's all about what I make of it right? ...
This past year has been such a blessing all round, this year has brought many wonderful people and God moments -- the potential for next year has no ceiling.
My latest consideration has been this...
3. Sushi party gathering... : I have a friend who can make sushi - he worked as a sushi chef for over 2 years and can do it all... I could have him come up and make the food, charge everyone $10/head for some good foods -- and then just hang out. I could do a bonfire, we could play Wii... I could get everyone to dress up to a theme (all things "S": Shar, sushi, s'mores, ).... Oh the options....

I just can't decide whether i want to be HERE or not... I presume i could do both a trip and a party here....
Blah...

Restorative Justice...

I believe SOOOO strongly about Restorative Justice. I really do. And this past week, after being involved in a forum that saw a family reunited, and a young girl energized to be so much better than a thief, my passion has been renewed! Seriously. If you are not familiar with RJ, check it out.
I first learned about RJ when i was taking Criminology classes. I picked it because it did sound interesting, and i was not into more law or policing stuff... I was somewhat blown away. Okay, no, I was TOTALLY blown away. Two years later, I took the class again - at a different university with a different prof and in a different capacity. We had guest speakers who've been through RJ after they lost their daughter to murder, we had individuals out on parole after they were charged with manslaughter... ALL fans of RJ and it's ideologies. These people now teach the programs, they run the forums, they advocate for it rather than regular court systems.
Over a year ago, i started volunteering for 2 different organizations in town that facilitate RJ forums - one for youth, the other for adults. I went through my weekend of RCMP institutedRJ facilitator training, and now I have officially completed my requirements to be certified to co-ordinate forums anywhere across Canada. Pretty cool. I'm excited. --- Note: RJ can be instituted in ANY capacity. Work. School. Family. The principles are only that the person who caused harm takes responsibility for their actions, sits and tells their story, hears how the person who was harmed WAS harmed, and consents to complete an agreement (put together by them and only them) ex: community hours, material restoration, monetary restitution, counseling, rehab etc etc. It can be as simple as "repair and repaint the destroyed fence". This is good stuff people!!
This past week I facilitated a highly emotional forum (as mentioned above). In it, I got to advocate for another program i'm a huge supporter of (Teen Challenge) and encourage the person who caused harm to apply. ... An hour later I made a poster board with a girl i'm mentoring through Restorative Justice in order to build her self esteem/self respect and prevent further encounters with the law. We put down pics of her on a board, as well as things she likes about her self, dreams of doing etc. Her last statement made me want to cry. After all the other "I" statements I prompted her with, she -on her own- chose to write "I hope to some day be a role model." I literally teared up and told her how proud of her I was. It was a GREAT day. *sigh*. I LOVED every minute of it...

To complete an amazing week, last night i went to another Teen Challenge graduation. After the ceremony some of us hung out and all I can say is that I really do adore these men. If anyone ever would like a dose of good soul searching and spiritual challenge - have a conversation with a graduate of teen challenge. No joke. These boys have encouraged me, challenged me, and caused me to dig deeper with Jesus than any other experience... I only met them 6 months ago while volunteering at Creationfest, got to know them 4 months ago, and have officially decided that I don't ever want to lose them from my circle of influence.
Right now, I can truely say that I'm LIVING.....

I might be back..

I dont' really use this account... :)
It's just a way to comment on others!

sharlene