I'm on Christmas "holidays" and it's just weird. I can't believe that Christmas is over and done. I can't believe I spent a couple hours at the mall on Boxing Day and didn't buy a thing.
I can't believe this year is almost over. I have been reflecting of late about what last year looked like for me and how things have transpired since "one year ago today". I can say that God is working me, and by working, I mean ROCKING... He is shaking things up. Literally. These last 3 months have been insane, hard, challening and yet, amazing. Considering the short amount of time it took for me to get from one place to where I'm at now, I can only imagine the next 3 months, or 6 months....
I care less about what people think and honestly stand on the FACT that God's opinion matters most.
I have a deeper longing and desire for the Will of God in my life -- and what He has planned for me -- more so than I thought possible. Better is ONE day in His courts than a thousand elsewhere.
Opposition DOES come from those closest, but, knowing the heart of God and having some friends share the same feelings can be really good.
--- I have had a LOT of people (including family) really question me in the reasoning as to why I'm not dating anyone, or married, or whatever else the societal norm for someone my age may be. I don't have an answer. I woke up a couple weeks ago with a verse though, God answered that question for me --- He wants me to be undivided right now. He doesn't want me to be distracted between a man and Him. He wants me devoted to him. It was amazing to hear that/read that/ understand that. It is SUPER challenging to just "be".... but in the process, wow. I've found relationships that I've really been "trying" in, those that I've been orienting a lot of life around and so called devotion to, have actually become easier and more honest. Relationships that feed off of me have fallen to the wayside and I don't care. It's like i'm shedding an old skin or old clothes or a bunch of unnecessary baggage.
I told one of my best people yesterday, that I'm letting go of the relationships and friendships that don't mean anything and pouring more energy into the ones that really do. They're what matter. I don't have to be everything to everyone, I just have to be me. Their response was almost identical to what I had been feeling but hadn't voiced. That conversation blessed my heart.
Needless to say, there are going to be changes in my life. Difficult ones for sure, but I know I have a good set of amazing friends to share them with, to endure them with, to walk through them with. Most of all, I know I have a God who has given me some amazing dreams and passions that I'm beginning to see pan out - and only because I'm giving Him control. He is showing me snippets of my potential. While inadequacy still likes to torment me, I believe in a God that wins, protects, loves, cares, and never leaves. I just need to keep pressing in.
and I will...
