"All of my life, in every season, you are still God and I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship"
Repeat x10.
Wow. So true.
Some days it is easier to 'worship' than other days. Some moments are more n'sync than others.
I haven't cried much in the last couple years. Up until New Years Eve of 2008, I probably couldn't have told you when I cried last. But i sobbed that day. And then.. early June. I cried hard one night .. And then again one morning late September. And again 2 weeks later. They're usually heart-break/boy related... except lately.
God has been chiseling away some things in my life. He's really trying to work at my heart and I think I'm finally letting Him. But wow... it's hard.
I have a reason to worship.
God's asking me to put away my 'invincibility' cloak, my stance of independence, my "i can do everything" attitude.
He's challenging me, asking me, ... "Sharlene. If you live like you need nothing, if you present yourself as having it all together, where is there room for Me to work. Where is there room for a guy to even TRY to enter?"
wait... what?
Apparently I'm intimidating. Apparently guys perceive me as leaving no airspace for them to offer me something I'm missing. Apparently I need to be more of a 'girl'.
In my plight to consider buying a condo, I opted to buy a new car instead. A hot one at that. I recently found myself a job that may become a career and lead to further opportunities and life fulfillment in where God's gifted me. I have a stellar boss/coworker who challenges me to step into new boundaries and expand my wings (both in the job and spiritually. She too loves Jesus.). I am putting my fingers and toes in city-wide young adult leadership -- being encouraged by pastors from other churches in my 'natural leadership' as the MC for city-wide events. (These are people I have been intimidated by and looked up to respectfully.) I have found myself so immersed in Teen Challenge that I am now overhear "Oh that's Sharlene. She's a friend of the ministry. We are are allowed to talk to her" when I am seen talking to a couple guys in the program.
I have a reason to worship.
I appear put together and very busy. Appear.
Whatever...
I only appear that way because I feel as if it is expected. That if I don't, I look weak. I do desire a husband. I do want a man to be influential in my decisions. I want someone to challenge me when others seem afraid to. But... the appearance I have created gives guys the impression that they would have to be Superman in order to penetrate my walls. My defense? I need a strong man to stand up to this strong woman. I can't handle a man I can walk over. God? Got me here?
And then... God says this. "Sharlene. Desire a man who seeks Me above all else. Everything will fall into place after that....."
Um... too easy, Lord. I've met tons of guys who claim you as "everything" and "their purpose" and are complete idiots.
"No Shar. Above ALL else. Above their jobs, above their social life... it will be apparent in who they are. Those guys obviously don't seek me above ALL else."
So.. I thought about it. A man who seeks God above all else will represent that in all facets of his life. He will love his wife like Christ loved the church. He would die for her. He will gain a respectable job and work as though working just for the Lord, providing sufficiently for his family. He will be a father who wants to build his children up to be Jesus-seeking children and love on them until death. ... The rest will follow so long as he is seeking God above all else.
That is what I want.
I have a reason to worship.
I've met a guy recently who does challenge me. He is such a 'words' guy that anytime I say something that may be a slight exaggeration, or possibly insincere, he repeats it back to me in question. He's not afraid to stand up to what I say or do. It's a new feeling. My respect for him has increased 10 fold. He's no sycophant. He does NOT put me on a pedestal or flatter me so i return his calls/texts. And yet, he appreciates me and lets me know that who I am means a lot to him. Whether or not this guy will be 'the' guy matters not. What matters is that I'm learning there ARE those guys out there.
I have a reason to worship.
I'm learning that God has me. He has a plan for me. He's providing for me. ... I just need to keep my eyes focused on HIM and not what is going on around me. For this, I have reason to worship.
